Money had started to run out very very quickly. Maybe i should not have cut it so fine between the startup cash be brought running low and bringing the savings bulk over, but we so wanted to have been able to leave it in the UK. Looking back, hindsight is a great thing, we should have brought it straight over, but then we were not to know that the UK Government would bungle things so completely.
I was still working night and day on the website with the guy who knew Drupal. More people were joining and the stories coming out were real tear-jerkers; the UK Government really had screwed up big time.
It may seem callous, but i had taken to wearing ear-plugs to shut out the sound of my family crying. I needed to concentrate and try to get this mess sorted and the tears from the kids - who were quite simply terrified - was a real distraction. Penny was doing all she could with them, but they could sense the fear and panic in us.
One of the first defining moments was when the toiletries started to run out. Things that you take for granted like loo role and soap, when not there are very noticable. Food was still not a real problem as we had had a well stocked larder of staples, the neighbours had filled the fridge a couple of times and i was getting quite adept at foraging. But as the sanitaries started to run out I was forced to start raiding public toilets for paper and soap. Taking a jamjar for the soap and plastic bags for the paper, i'd walk round the local loo's getting rolls and liquid soap. It was soul destroying; how could life have got so bad so quickly.
evening i just sat down on a park bench and cried uncontrollably; i had a massive and terrifying urge to just throw myself off a bridge or something. It was terrifying as i had never ever had thoughts like that; i had always been a happy contented soul who enjoyed work and loved his loving family. But waves of dispare and intense sadness wafted over me. Was i wallowing in self-pity? Should i just pull myself together and get on with it? I just didnt know.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
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